


purring away the pain

by clicheusername5678



Series: Catradora Oneshots [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad coping mechanisms, Catra Redemption Arc, F/F, Fluff, Panic Attacks, Sick Fic, they say i love you!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:23:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17188070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clicheusername5678/pseuds/clicheusername5678
Summary: Catra is injured after her first battle fighting for the rebellion. Still ashamed of her past, she attempts to hide and wallow in her pain. Adora finds her and the two have a talk.





	purring away the pain

Catra technically had her own room in Bright Moon Castle. After several weeks of imprisonment, Queen Angella had reluctantly presented it to her, an apology of sorts for treating the recently defected Horde Force Captain with so little initial respect. Although, Catra couldn’t really blame the woman—after all, she had at one point nearly arranged for Angella’s personal surrender to Lord Hordak, via kidnapping the woman’s own daughter. 

So, yeah. The room was a nice thought, even if it went mostly unused. Today was the first that Catra had spent more than ten minutes in the room, plush and posh, but smaller than Adora’s or Glimmer’s. 

The cat-girl groaned and turned on her side, further bundling herself in the covers of her bed. This was nothing like Adora’s bunk in the Fright Zone—but then again, nothing was the way it had been. 

The transition was still difficult, a month after defection… the imprisonment was rough, sure, with the trials and interrogations and mistrust, but Adora had been by Catra’s side for most of it. And then Bow had taken a liking to her, somehow, even if it was out of pity. The other princesses were still cold (Frosta especially), but Catra didn’t really care about them as much. Hopefully now that they’d witnessed Catra in battle they’d warm up to her presence in the rebellion. 

She had fought hard yesterday, in her first outgoing act since defecting from the Horde. It was a small-scale invasion of the Fright Zone, the targets being Scorpia and Entrapta. With Catra’s information about the magic-tech Hordak was demanding of the pigtailed princess, the Rebellion realized that Entrapta had survived, and Catra realized that they hadn’t abandoned her after all. Whoops. 

Last night Catra, Adora, Glimmer, Bow, Mermantha, Peplum, and some guy with a mustache (Catra was still learning names) had invaded the Horde via the vent system, finding Entrapta and Scorpia in their usual positions beside the Black Garnet runestone. Entrapta had agreed to return to Bright Moon, as long as she could bring some First Ones and Fright Zone tech along, but Scorpia hadn’t been so easily convinced. It wasn’t until Catra asked her to take a leap of faith that she nodded silently, hoisted the Black Garnet, and asked someone to get the door. 

The exit from the Horde base had been awful. No casualties, luckily, although Scorpia had come close, the pressure of the massive stone nearly overwhelming on her shoulders. The other princesses flanked her as she burst through walls, Bow, Adora, Catra, and Glimmer fighting off enemy soldiers in the peripheral. 

But then there had been Lonnie and the other cadets. After Catra’s exit, Lonnie had been promoted to Hordak’s second-in-command, the badge Catra had discarded affixed to her armored chest. She commanded Rogelio and Kyle to attack Catra specifically—and although Kyle was mostly inept, Rogelio had claws and agility that rivaled Catra’s own. 

Catra had hidden her injury from Adora and her friends after ditching the cadets with help from Kyle’s taser. They had made it back to Bright Moon, Adora leading the party on Swift Wind, too occupied with the runestone and Entrapta and being She-Ra to notice the crooked angle of Catra’s tail. 

And then she had rushed to her room. Hidden, exhausted, late at night, Catra had fallen asleep without Adora’s presence for the first time since her stint as second-in-command in the Fright Zone.

It actually really, really sucked, being injured and alone. But Catra didn’t want to concern Adora with her tail, and she didn’t know or trust anyone else enough to ask for help. So she just laid in her bed, miserable, purring away the pain. 

She deserved this, in a way, for abandoning everyone at the Horde. Maybe Shadow Weaver sucked and Hordak was straight-up evil, but Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio were all former child soldiers, just like Catra and Adora. Catra should have asked them to defect with her, like she asked Scorpia and Entrapta. But it hadn’t even come to mind in the moment. 

That was the shitty truth Catra had learned about herself since defecting: she was really bad at being good. Adora seemed to have this passion for justice that made her so goddamn Adora, and although she could be a total idiot, her heart was always in the right place. Catra’s heart had been broken and bruised all her life, by Shadow Weaver, by Adora, by her own awful decisions and years of emotional repression. Kindness and goodness didn’t come as easily as, say, blowing things up. 

Catra whimpered, and then the whimper turned into another loud purr. She had always done this—purring away the pain, sometimes for hours in her top bunk after a rough encounter with Shadow Weaver. Only Adora would notice, or at least demonstrate her awareness, demanding from Catra that she go to the infirmary. Catra would decline and explain that this was something she just did. As the two grew up, Adora learned that often the only thing she could do was scratch Catra’s ears and wait for the purring to reside. 

But Adora wasn’t here now, and Catra didn’t want her to be. She deserved this pain, in some stupid way. This was part of her penance for not defecting before she had, for leaving Adora dangling off that cliff, for etching those scars onto her back—

“Catra?” a tiny voice said from the doorway. Catra groaned and turned her body to see the exact person she wished wasn’t there.

“Hey, Adora,” she said sheepishly. “Missed snoozin’ in your bed last night.”

Adora blinked, dumbfounded. “Yeah, I noticed you weren’t there… what’s going on? I heard you doing… that thing, that you do.”

Catra shrugged and tried to sit up, doing an awful job of hiding her pained expression. “Purring away the pain?” she offered.

“Wha—are you hurt?” Adora exclaimed, rushing over to the bed. Catra sighed and lifted her tail, which remained bent at an odd angle, although Catra had washed off the blood before going to bed. 

“Is it broken?” Adora asked, narrowing her eyes. “Was it Lonnie? Rogelio? Why didn’t you say something? This is all my fault, I should have been watching—”

“Princess,” Catra breathed, reaching for Adora’s hand. “None of this is your fault. If you must know, I got backed into a corner by our old friends.”

Adora growled. “I can’t believe they’d hurt you.”

“Uh, yeah you can, just how I hurt you when I was fighting for the Horde. It’s a war, Adora. Stuff like this happens. And I was hoping it’d heal over, but…”

“But?”

“Not gonna lie, it hurts like a bitch.”  

Adora frowned. “I don’t know anything about tail first-aid.”

“You and me both,” Catra groaned, sitting on the edge of her bed. “It’s okay. I was just thinking before you came in here… I deserve this, don’t I?”

Adora sat down beside Catra and shook her head. “Don’t say that.”

“Nooooo, but it’s truuue—”

“Catra, hey, look at me,” Adora said sternly, grabbing at the other girl’s jaw. Reluctantly, Catra allowed Adora to guide her face to parallel her own. 

“You’re pretty,” Catra said, avoiding the subject of her own self-indulgent self-loathing. Adora shook her head. 

“Not what we’re talking about right now.” 

“Let’s kiss.”

“No, we’re talking about feelings. Specifically, the fact that you feel you deserve pain.” 

“I deserve pain… and kisses.”

“Catra,” Adora said warningly, not in the mood for fun and games. Catra sighed and frowned, shaking her head out of Adora’s grasp. 

“Fine, Princess, we can talk.”

“That’s right,” Adora said. “After all, you can’t just purr away emotional pain.” 

“I just bit back about five snarky responses, all for you,” Catra said, lying down on her back. “Ow.”

Adora groaned and followed suit, turning her head to face Catra, whose mismatched eyes were already waiting. 

“Talk to me,” Adora said, and it was almost as though they were back into the Horde barracks. 

“I think… I’ll never be able to do the right thing,” Catra said. “I stayed with the Horde and fought you, and that wasn’t right. I left the Horde and fought the cadets I left behind, and that wasn’t right, either. Everything I do at Bright Moon feels like a performance so everyone doesn’t hate me, which means that I have no idea if I’d actually do any of this without Angella breathing down my neck. And… ugh, I’m actually starting to care if I’m doing the right thing! Being a good guy is infuriating. You make it look so easy, Adora.” 

“She-ra makes it look easy,” Adora said, tucking a lock of Catra’s hair behind her ear. 

“No, you,” Catra insisted. “You left the Horde, assembled the Princess Brigade, wielded the sword. You know what I would have done, if I was She-Ra? I would have been like, ‘Hey, Adora, check out this cool-ass sword!’ And then I probably would have run it straight through Shadow Weaver or Kyle, or both, like a kebab.” 

“Catra!” 

“See, that’s what I’m saying!” Catra exclaimed, sitting up. “I’m bad at being good! So, when I get hurt, it’s like, maybe I deserve it, since all I seem to be good at is hurting everyone else.”

Adora frowned, sat up, and put an arm around Catra’s form. She sighed as she realized that the other girl was shaking. 

“Catra,” Adora said quietly, lovingly. “You’re not done yet. None of us are. We’re still… on our way, to whoever it is we’re going to become.” 

“Well, I’m paces behind anyone on Bright Moon,” Catra grumbled. “Even Scorpia and Entrapta have their shit together better than me.”

“It’s not a contest,” Adora insisted. “And, Catra… you’re here now. With me. And, despite everything, I am so grateful. I hated being away from you.” 

“But I’ve hurt you.”

“We’ve been over this.”

“I hurt so many people.”

“Catra…”

“It’s so heavy, Adora. And I’m trying so hard, but I keep messing it up…”

“Hey, listen,” Adora said, holding Catra steady by the jaw. “Catra.”

Although Catra rarely had panic attacks, Adora had seen enough of them to know what to do. Just as Catra had done for her during particularly stressful moments in the Horde, or once when Catra had first appeared at Bright Moon, and Angella had proposed banishing her.

As Catra began to hyperventilate, Adora took her head and rested it in her lap. She ran her fingers through the other girl’s mane and spoke calmingly, simply, gently.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re okay, it’s okay…” 

And on the tip of Adora’s tongue, there it was: 

“I love you.” 

Catra sniffled, her panic replaced by shock. “You… what?”

Adora blushed. “I… love you, Catra. Like, capital-L love you.”

Catra shook her head. “Don’t do this right now.” 

“No, seriously, I do.”

Catra looked into Adora’s eyes, genuine and vulnerable. “Well,” she said, “Awful timing aside, I love you, too.”

Adora smiled, both at Catra’s admission and at the steadiness of her breathing. She placed a kiss on the other girl’s forehead, eliciting a soft purr. 

“I don’t know where I am,” Catra said, “on my… path. But I’m glad I’m here with you.”

“Mm,” Adora noised, nuzzling towards Catra’s neck. 

“Hey,” Catra said, “hey, Adora, as much as I wanna celebrate this tender moment, my tail fuckin’ kills.”

“Oh, yeah,” Adora said, lifting up her reddening face. “We should go get that checked out.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

Adora helped Catra to her feet, wiping the moisture from her eyes as she beamed. She couldn’t help but notice that Catra, although still very much in pain, was smiling too. 

“Y’know that our whole… love thing… doesn’t just magically fix everything, right?” Catra asked as Adora walked her to the door. 

“Obviously. If anything, if complicates the situation more. Doesn’t mean I’m ever giving you up.” 

“Oh,” Catra said quietly, as though something was caught in her throat. “Ditto.”

Adora nodded and supported Catra as they walked down the Bright Moon hall. She had a feeling Catra wasn’t going to need her own room again for a while. 

~

The medic had made a surprisingly fast assessment of Catra’s condition. 

“Yeah, it’s infected,” said the young man in the pastel-purple lab coat. “You’re gonna need amputation.” 

Catra yowled and squeezed Adora’s hand. “What the FUCK? I thought you were supposed to be Bright Moon’s finest!”

The Medic shrugged. “I dunno what to tell you,” he said. “If you had come here right after the injury, if might have been fine. But now, it’s infected.” 

Adora held Catra back from attacking the doctor. “So you’re, what, gonna cut off her whole tail?”

“Like HELL he is!” Catra shouted, still struggling against Adora. The doctor looked her over distastefully. 

“Nah,” he said. “Only the end part, that got broken and infected. The rest should be fine.” 

Adora sighed with relief. “Hear that, Catra? They’re not taking your whole tail, just the end!”

“Well, there’s more,” the insensitive doctor interrupted. Catra groaned. “When a cat’s tail is cut, she’s likely to become disoriented afterwards.”

Adora nodded. “Okay. For how long?”

“Weeks.”

Catra gave Adora begging eyes. “Listen, I can’t have my balance all screwed up, I have to be able to fight, don’t let them do this—”

“And if she doesn’t?” Adora asked the doctor. 

“The infection will spread, and she could die.” 

Adora crossed her arms and gave Catra a stern look. Although terrified and pissed, Catra sighed and turned to the doctor. 

“Fucking fine. But you’d better give me the good drugs.” 

“We have one kind of anesthetic in Bright Moon, ma’am.”

“Sir, with all respect, I hate you a whole lot.” 

The doctor pointed Catra to shelf in the corner of the exam room that held hospital gowns. As she groaned and went to retrieve one, Adora mouthed ‘thank you’ in the doctor’s direction. 

~

Catra’s tail was only about eight inches shorter, but to her, it felt like miles. 

“Okay, okay,” Adora said as Catra leaned against her, the two headed to Bright Moon Castle’s great dining hall. “Catra, I’m serious, slow down.” 

As to demonstrate Adora’s point, Catra steered the both of them into a large pillar with her misdirected speed-walking. 

“I hate this I hate this I hate this,” Catra muttered, a mantra she had repeated like a broken record ever since yesterday’s procedure. 

Adora smiled and shook her head, holding the other girl’s form. “Catra. Just relax. I’ve got you.” 

Catra stuck out her tongue, but Adora felt her muscles loosen. She accepted Adora’s help as the two entered the main hall. 

“SURPRISE!” 

Catra blinked, dumbfounded, as she took in the scene. Entrapta, Scorpia, Bow, and Glimmer stood around a table, wearing party hats with little cat ears attached. Above them was a banner reading “SORRY YOUR TAIL GOT CUT OFF,” written in Scorpia’s dense handwriting, and on the table was a cake with Bow’s colorful illustration of Catra with a balloon tied to the tip of her bandaged tail. 

“You made them do this,” Catra said without missing a beat, turning to Adora. Adora grinned from ear to ear. 

“No, I had no idea,” she said. “I mean, I had told them why you were in the hospital, but…”

“Catra!” Scorpia said, approaching the girl for a hug. Catra thrust out her arms. 

“Scorpia, no, I’m in recovery—”

“Oh, yeah,” Scorpia said, standing back. “So… how d’ya like it? I made the banner, if you couldn’t tell. And Entrapta hooked up the fancy lights.”

Entrapta beamed, Bow smiled pleasantly, and even Glimmer didn’t seem to loathe Catra’s existence as much as usual.  

“It’s… really sweet,” Catra said slowly, “that you guys want me to feel better.” 

“Well, of course!” Bow exclaimed. “You’re one of us now!”

“And you got hurt fighting for us,” Glimmer said, her voice carrying a reluctant appreciation. “You helped us protect Scorpia and Entrapta, and the Runestone… so, thanks.”

Catra swallowed and looked into Glimmer’s eyes. For the first time since Catra’s defection, Glimmer didn’t look away. 

Adora supported Catra as she walked her over to the cake. Bow handed her the knife without hesitation, which was honestly kind of a huge deal in Catra’s mind. 

“You get the first piece,” Adora said in Catra’s ear. Despite the bandaged soreness, Catra wrapped her remaining tail around Adora’s waist. 

She took a breath and placed the knife at the junction between cake-Catra’s tail and the balloon. Smiling, she set it free. 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is hey-adora


End file.
